My Testimony: Identity, Shrooms, and the Holy Spirit
MY TESTIMONY
Identity, Shrooms, and The Holy Spirit
You are about to read the story of the night of my salvation through a surreal encounter with the Spirit of Jesus Christ. My salvation was the day my life truly began. Some of you reading this may think I have gone mad or that I “drank the crazy Christian Kool-aid”, and I am willing to take that risk. I know how real this is and I believe in everything that Jesus has done to set me free. I pray that God would touch your heart as you read this, and reveal the truth behind these words:
“I am the way, the truth and the life, no one comes to the father except through me” – John 14:6
The Back Story
The greatest identity I ever created was through my real estate career. Success is the mecca of earthly security. I was chasing a reputation of being successful, earning money, and wielding power. Being perceived as “young and successful” gave my peers a reason to befriend me, girls a reason to like me, and my parents a reason to be proud of me. It was perfect. It created a fortress of protection for me to never face my deep beliefs that I was unlovable and unworthy. I sold the facade confidently, but on the inside I still never believed I was deserved the opportunities I was presented. I still felt empty and alone. Nothing I attempted brought me any feeling of fulfillment.
The night of my salvation was the conclusion of a 9 month bender in which I attempted everything to fill that void in my life. I was working ridiculous hours to establish my hardworking reputation. I achieved in college to establish my intelligence and to make my parents proud. I was remodeling a house to appear successful. I played club soccer and rugby to have an athletic persona. I bought a new car and nice clothes to appear wealthy for girls. I worked out hard to earn sex appeal. I did activities like martial arts and yoga to be more interesting or well-rounded. I did everything to try and please other people and to build my own identity because I was too insecure to be who I really was inside. I continually felt like a failure and my life was miserable. I spent most nights getting drunk or high as an attempt to desperately find some comfort. There had to be more to life than this. I was living a dismal existence. I had reached my point of desperation and when I started to search, the truth found me.
July 25th, 2013 – The Point of Desperation
I had never been a ‘journaler’. Quite honestly, everything about the idea freaked me out, but this night was different. I needed something more to try and capture the mess of emotions and thoughts that were swirling in my head. I dug up an old notepad and began to scribble across the pages. Tears splattered across the paper as I poured out my heart. I was absolutely despondent inside, and I was finally facing that reality.
I couldn’t understand why my life was so empty and meaningless. I was securing success, money, and power, yet it was all so hollow. I was chasing everything that was intended to make me feel secure and fulfilled in the world—what could possibly be missing?
I so badly desired something to believe in. I wanted to feel accepted. I wanted to feel loved. I wanted all of these things, but I had no idea how to get them. They were all so elusive to me. I had reached my breaking point. I was ready to do anything to start finding a purpose in my life. As I wrote, I realized that the answer must be buried in the area I would never think to look: religion.
I had always put myself under the “Christian” label, but I never truly believed in God or the power of the cross (I was actually not a Christian). I wrote about how being a Christian never did anything for me. Just like everything else, it was hollow. Most of the Christians I saw were still unhappy people who lived very hypocritical lives. I was ready to give up on Jesus. Clearly, it couldn’t be real. I knew there had to be something more. It was time to start searching for the truth. The first place to start would be Buddhism and Hinduism. I didn’t know how my seeking would take form but I had came to one solid realization that night: Christianity was not the answer.
By the time I closed the notebook to go to bed I was feeling slightly more optimistic about the future. I was still so lost, but I now had a place to start searching for real answers. There was a small glimmer of hope off in the horizon.
July 26th, 2013 – The Trip
It was our last day in “The Trap” (our name for the house, if that gives away our lifestyle at all) and my roommates were all going to trip mushrooms and close out that season with one last crazy night. I had never done the drug, and I figured it would be an experience worth having. I had nothing left to lose.
We consumed them early in the evening. The initial experience was what you would expect: A lot of motion, color, and illusions. We messed around for a while and then decided to watch a movie. About 4 hours into the trip, I was coming back to reality. I still felt tingly but my world was no longer a sequence of shapeshifting images. I was watching the movie when I heard a voice whisper “Go be alone.” I had no idea where it came from, but I decided to obey. I left the guys and went up to my bedroom.
I sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the wall. I had this deep burning in my chest that gave me an understanding that something big was about to happen. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and things got surreal.
I want to take a moment to clarify that no words I write will ever truly capture what happened in this moment. What I saw and felt occurred within the spiritual realm (the 5th dimension) which I have come to acknowledge exists, whether you choose to believe it or not. The best way to understand the following events is to imagine the classic “devil and angel on your shoulder”. I now understand where that idea comes from. I do not know if they were necessarily spoken words or if they were impressions that were put in my heart, but the interaction was as follows.
I instantly felt two presences before me and I could, somehow, discern them. On the left was the Spirit of Jesus, and on the right was the spirit of evil. I could not physically see either, but I understood who they were. I was about to witness the battle for my soul. It went through a progression of evil offering me the idols I had been chasing to find fulfillment in my life and Jesus reiterating who He really created me to be.
It went through everything from my journal entry the night before that I was attempting to find fulfillment through. Then, at the very end, Jesus said:
“That is not who I made you to be, Mason”.
I opened my eyes and felt a spiritual presence fill my room. I didn’t understand at the time but it was the Holy Spirit. Everything in my room was completely still. It was surreal. The only way I can describe it is by telling you that everything felt beautiful. I physically felt the Holy Spirit of God enter my body (Acts 2:4, 4:31).
I started laughing and crying uncontrollably. I was overflowing with joy. In that very moment I knew God was real and Jesus Christ was the son of God. I pulled out my journal and started writing. The only things I could write were “God is real. I finally believe it. I know the truth. God is real”. I wrote it over and over and over again.
After a long period of emotional outbursts, I went and showered. Something deep within me had changed, and this was what I consider to be my true baptism. I was washing away the old self, and embracing a new life. I now understood that I had a reason to live and it was much greater than I could have ever imagined.
It was now 1:30 in the morning, but as a verbal processor I needed to share this experience with someone. I decided to run over to my best friend Tyler’s house. He just sat and listened for a long time. He could see the joy and passion overflowing from me, but it didn’t make any sense. Although in that moment he probably thought I had gone completely insane, that conversation was a stepping stone in his salvation. 6 months later, the Lord started to pour into his life through our friendship and he knew it was from God. He was ready to start building a relationship with Jesus for himself. This past summer we were baptized together. It is amazing how God uses every moment to work His bigger picture.
At the time, my other best friend, Keenan, was in Africa working on a mission trip with Cru. Our lives had taken different paths, but we were still like brothers. It broke his heart to see where I was going with my life. He was a believer and understood this missing link in my life. That same day in Africa, He and his mentor sat and prayed for my salvation. The way the international times worked out, his prayer was almost the exact same time that I was going through all of this. When I sent him a message the next morning telling him I believed in God, he could hardly believe it. God had answered his prayer! It was truly an intercessory miracle.
A few hours later I went to bed. The most incredible night of my life had come to its conclusion. From that day forward I have believed in Jesus Christ with the entirety of my heart. I believe the truth. I believe in God. I believe in the power of the Holy Spirit. I am proud to call myself a Christian, for I am a follower of the One True King.
And that is the story about how my walk with Jesus began. It has been a liberating journey of discovering my true identity. The identity that I don’t have to work for or create: My God-given identity. Although it began with this miraculous start, the true changes in my life did not occur overnight. There have been many struggles and battles over the last 2 years. Many of which I will cover in the later installments of this story. It has been one crazy ride, but so unbelievably fulfilling. I thank God everyday for my salvation. That night was truly the day my life found its meaning. Praise Jesus!
Closing Thoughts
“The message about the cross doesn’t make any sense to lost people. But for those of us who are being saved, it is God’s power at work” 1 Corinthians 1:18
This verse is so true to my life and to this story. What Jesus did on the cross and God’s infinite power were absolutely foolish to me before that night. To some of you this story may seem utterly ludicrous, but God’s Grace is greater than our understanding.
There is a saying that goes “There is a God-sized hole in the heart of every man.” I believe in that saying wholeheartedly. We are deceived into thinking that filling our lives with idols (success, money, sex, addictions, etc.) leads to a fulfilled life. That is a lie. Trust me, I sought that lifestyle with every ounce of energy I had. That path leads to bondage and destruction. Only through a relationship with Jesus Christ can we experience freedom from the world and discover who we really are. Each one of us was created with a specific purpose and identity. Jesus really is the way, the truth, and the life.
If any of this has stirred that subtle burning in your heart for more, I encourage you to chase after it. The truth reveals itself to those who seek earnestly. Jesus wants a relationship with you. If you have any questions or would like to talk, please feel free to contact me. I am an open book and I would be glad to share anything and everything. I love you all.
Praise the Lord. Amen.
